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Monday, December 16, 2013

Spreading ashes feels like camping?

We didn't have any choice about whether we buried Jake in a casket, or cremation.  The latter was thousands of dollars more.  
  We were even blessed with a free cemetery plot from a beautiful friend. We thought that was the direction we were going to go in, but in the end the company wasn't honest with us about the expenses. The cost was going way higher then we had money for, so we  began to see the direction that God was sending us in for our son's ashes. It worked out beautifully. We were all more at peace with where we ended up.

Jake's favorite color was green, thus the title of this blog is green. He bought clothes in green mostly and called himself the green man.  So we bought a vault urn that was originally to be buried, but in the end, it resides with us, as a memorial to Jake.



  We made a plan to spread Jacob's ashes in a location that is private to our family.  It still gives me great comfort about where he is. 

 Honestly when it comes to death, cremation or burial isn't an easy choice any way. I didn't want my son's beautiful body locked in a casket and underground. It was my own claustrophobia that I felt he would experience.  Plus I thought I would want to dig the ground up and bring him up for air. I know these are not reality thoughts, but it just didn't feel right to me.

 On the other hand, burning up his body was pretty sad too. I will never again see my son on this earth. Every thing about the body that God created him in, is gone down here. I am glad he has a heavenly body, but right now it is little comfort.  In reality if I concentrate on him being still alive and having a body up there, it is alot better then having a body buried in the earth.

 So we planned a memorial for Jacob. Only his close friends were invited and our family. We had the Wake and all of OUR friends came and Jakes friends, but I didn't feel right expecting people to come out for two events.  This was personal and time for every one to talk about their relationship with Jake.

 The morning of the event, Mike had to remove the ashes from the beautiful burial urn that we had purchased and put them into a tupperware container. We could not carry that urn into the woods. I think we might have looked suspicious and we didn't want anyone to know what our plans were.  It felt so odd though, to pour my son's body into a tupperware container.  It was just too casual and not respectful feeling.
  
 We all loaded up and met together. It was a beautiful memorial. Everyone got to share about Jake and some were sad things, but more were happy experiences.  Jokes were shared and very little tears were shed. In hindsight, related to what I deal with now, I know that we were all still very much in shock.   
 Each of us took a scoop of his ashes and poured them out on the ground and then we put leaves over them.  I wanted him to be hidden under the leaves and melt into the ground with the rain.  
 Gosh it didn't really feel like we were spreading a body. With his ashes in a tupperware container, we may as well have gone camping and been cleaning out the fire place.  It was kind of a bit strange, but it gave us all great closure and that is what we needed. We know where his ashes are and we can meet there in the summer for a family picnic, reminisce about good times, and heal.  

  Jake had some awesome friends in his life and each of them spoke so positively about him. It was really a blessing to us. 

 I just kept reminding myself that even if this looked like fire place ashes, it was once my son. This is now where his earthly body resides and I think he likes it far better then being locked in a casket, and buried many feet under the ground.

 After the wake, we were blessed with a dinner out for our whole family. Another moment that we will always treasure, thanks to some awesome teachers who loved our children.  
   
Bye bye baby.  Enjoy the fall trees and beauty around you. When snow falls, just know that spring will follow, and bloom right in the midst of you. I love you Jake.

Our family at: http://www.parentingfasdkids.com

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